Dear Sugar, I’m Breaking Up With You

Dear Sugar,

I’m breaking up with you.

You’re my bad habit, my secret addiction, and I don’t like myself when I’m with you.

It’s not me.goodbye2

It’s you.

Yes, you are tempting and sweet in the moment, but it’s hard to avoid overindulging…

and overindulging doesn’t make me feel good.

You are draining my energy.

Exhausting me.

And when I’m with you, I get that same sluggish feeling as I do with a glass of wine.

So I have decided that you are a drug and I don’t want to be addicted. I don’t need anything that makes me feel regretful and hungover after I’ve indulged.

I’m dumping you.

Yes, I may feel withdrawal, but it’s not nearly as bad as giving in to your temptation and how that makes me feel about myself.

It’s not nearly as bad as running from my feelings and stuffing them with sweets.

It’s not nearly as bad as spending my whole life numbing my pain and choosing the brief, but costly reprieve for my problems.

Yes, I may feel deprived. But so what?

Who promised me a life without feeling deprived?

I am stronger than I give myself credit.

And you know what?

It’s part of being human.

I embrace my humanity and all the feelings that are a part of it.

If I’m not attempting to avoid them, numb them or control them, then I can actually feel what it means to be human.

What if I just make space for those feelings?

If I do that, then they can dissolve quickly, easily and naturally, without my attempts to control.

All I need to do is allow and accept and know that this is part of life.

Feelings are part of being human.

Is this final?

Sugar, this is not about abstinence. It’s about choice.

I choose to take care of myself. I choose to create my own sweetness. And once I get out of the habit, I don’t think I’m going to miss you very much.

Sure, we can still hangout sometimes… in small doses. I’ve never been much for cutting someone out of my life completely. That just feels too restrictive.

But you are no longer my only sweetness. stress-eating-list1

You can no longer fill in the empty spaces where my loneliness resides.

I don’t need you to feel good.

I don’t need you to have sweetness in my life, or to soothe my tired, aching feelings.

I don’t need you to soothe the places where my heart is shattered.

I don’t need you as a mute button on my crazy whacked-out life.

You can hang out with me sometimes… but I definitely need some space.

For right now.

Today.

I choose to feel my feelings.

I choose to face whatever is there that I haven’t been facing up to.

I choose to face everything that I can’t control.

And to let it be.

Will it make me want you even more?

Maybe.girl2

But remember, you are not the only sweetness in my life.

Don’t try to make up.

You say you can take away my pain and my loneliness.

You say you can comfort me.

You say we’ve been together so long. Who will fill in?

Don’t try to make up.

I’ve fallen for your empty promises too many times.

I’m stronger than I give myself credit.

I’ve been dependent on you far too long.

You say you are my friend and you’ll never be the harsh critic I may have to face in the world.

That may be true.

But I am ready to face the world with a clear head.

I want my freedom.

You say you will always be there for me.

You say you can soothe my hurt feelings.

I see you for what you really are.

A sweet obsession.

And I’m not falling for it.

You exist in so many places.

But mostly, you live in my head.

You are no longer my everything.

Because I don’t need you to be my everything.

This is about how I show up in my own life.

What I am willing to feel.

And what I feel worthy of having.

This is about knowing what I need and being willing to give it to myself.

Sugar, I’m not perfect.

This is about knowing I don’t need to be perfect.

I can have slip-ups, knowing –

I am stronger than I give myself credit.

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Psychologist, Master Certified Coach and Certified EFT Practitioner. She is one of the world’s leading experts in using Emotional Freedom Techniques to help people lose weight without dieting, stop binge eating, and reduce anxiety and stress. She is the author of 4 Books on Emotional Freedom Techniques, the EFT Tips Newsletter, the Binge Eating Teleseminar and the EFT Weight Loss CD. Carol has a thriving coaching practice and is passionate about helping others succeed.