Stress Eating

What Story Do You Tell Yourself?

by Carol Solomon

You tell yourself a story inside your head every day.

Our stories are based on past experiences and the beliefs we form because of those experiences. We often create limitations in our minds that are usually untrue.

Our stories can play like a soundtrack in the back of our minds.

If you listen for that small, quiet voice, you’ll catch yourself. The story makes up a big part of who you tell yourself you are. And to a large extent, you play out the story in life.

Are you playing small in order to avoid conflict?
Are you withdrawing from relationships in order to avoid pain?
Is your story worn out and no longer relevant?
Is it causing you to feel bad about yourself? To limit yourself?

Your story will either empower you or limit you. If you tell yourself you “can’t” or you aren’t “_________ enough” (fill in the blank – smart, disciplined, strong, etc.), those are all versions of the same dis-empowering “I’m not enough” story.

Or you may tell yourself something about the task, like “it’s too hard.” Do you believe that losing weight is hard? Perhaps that is how you perceived it in the past. But if you continue to echo that story now, you make it a reality.

If the challenge you are facing is big enough, the “not enough” story will show up. That’s because you are venturing out of your comfort zone.

You can do some investigative work and ask yourself “Where did I learn that?” A memory may come to mind. But even if it doesn’t, it serves you to create a new story. (Note to self: you can use tapping to uncover and change old stories.)

One of my favorite stories that I *choose* to tell myself when I’m facing a challenge is this: “If other people can do it, then I can do it too.” This makes so much logical sense to me, that I don’t have any other choice but to keep moving forward

I don’t worry about “how” I’m going to do it. The “how” is generally revealed after I make the commitment.

You either use your stories to your advantage, or they limit you. If you tell yourself the right story, then you keep moving forward, no matter what. Yes, you may feel more vulnerable, but you will also feel more passionate, more loving and more alive…maybe even unstoppable.

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What If You Had To Post Everything you Ate Online?

by Carol Solomon

What if you had to take a picture of everything you ate before you ate it AND post it online for all to see?

I decided to do an experiment and do just that. I wanted to see if it would influence what I ate. Here’s the results:

I started at 6:00 p.m. -

This is my preferred meal for dinner. I like to eat my lightest meal at night. I just feel better that way.

Ok … It’s not a great picture, so it may not look so delicious or filling, but it is.

Although the ingredients vary, I usually have a large salad with greens, broccoli sprouts, tomatoes, avocado, walnuts and boiled egg. I use my favorite homemade tahini dressing – very rich and filling. Between the dressing, the avocado and walnuts, there are plenty of good fats that are rich and satisfying. [Read the full stress eating article…]

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Your Story Matters

by Carol Solomon

You tell yourself a story inside your head every day. Our stories are based on past experiences and the beliefs we form because of those experiences. We create limitations in our minds that are usually untrue.

Our stories can play like a soundtrack in the back of our minds.

If you listen for that small, quiet voice, you’ll catch yourself. The story makes up a big part of who you tell yourself you are. And to a large extent, you play out the story in life.

Are you playing small in order to avoid conflict?

Are you withdrawing from relationships in order to avoid pain?

Is your story worn out and no longer relevant?

Is it causing you to feel bad about yourself? To limit yourself?

If the challenge you are facing is big enough, the “not enough” story will show up. That’s because you are venturing out of your comfort zone.

I don’t worry about “how” I’m going to do it. The “how” is generally revealed after I make the commitment.

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Why Weight Loss Is a Terrible Goal

by Carol Solomon

What does an apple, a football scoreboard and someone loving you have in common?

Weight loss is a terrible goal – partly because it’s not controllable. You can plant an apple tree, water it, fertilize it, nurture it, but you can’t make it grow an apple, not any more than a football player can control the scoreboard, or any more than you can make someone love you…

You can’t control the results.

We think we can…we want to…but we can’t control results. So you don’t want to be attached to getting results in a certain time, in a certain way. Focus less on the results and more on the causes.

1. It increases pressure (self explanatory.)

2. You can’t control it – any more than a football player can control the numbers on the scoreboard. Willpower gets depleted easily. You can be doing everything right and still not lose weight.

3. Do you see this when you wake up in the morning?

Or do you tend to judge yourself by the numbers on the scale?

It’s best not to have your self worth tied to something that you can achieve or not achieve.

A better goal is to maintain psychological balance. You do that by taking care of your feelings and taking care of you. Tapping can help you feel more comfortable with saying yes to you and to break free of these patterns.

4. Weight loss is an inside job. Once you set a weight loss goal, all the focus goes onto the weight and how to get rid of it, and is no longer on the feelings that drive the behavior. It goes onto eating less and exercising more, instead of the internal work that needs to be done, and since we don’t like to be told what to do… even by ourselves… we end up in the same old vicious cycle. Until you feel the feelings, name them, deal with them, feel them… it won’t end. Your job is to feel your feelings. If you are going to force yourself to do something, force yourself to sit with your feelings.

5. Losing weight is a marathon… not a sprint – there are lots of emotional and physical pitfalls. So commit for the long run, change your thinking, learn to manage your moods, and stop fretting about the day-to-day stuff. Work on managing emotions, confidence and perseverance – learn how to get back on track more quickly when you tumble off the track (we all do.)

6. Weight loss goals toy with your identity – your sense of who you are.

Who are you as a thin person?
Who are you if you aren’t struggling with your weight?

This obsession with food and weight can become such a huge part of your life. So when you start having success, you can start to feel uncomfortable, but you don’t know why. You only know that you keep sabotaging yourself. I’m getting too much attention…I don’t want to be noticed. “As soon as I get the first compliment, I throw an extra bagel in.” sometimes you are afraid of negative reactions of other people – some people have negative views of thin people, so they don’t want to be viewed as that.

A better goal is tending to your emotional well being – your psychological balance. This is a global factor that will affect everything else. Weight loss is at least 90% psychological. Tend to your thoughts, feelings and habits. Where are you on the emotional scale? Where are you on the worthiness scale?

Paradoxically, focusing less on the results and more on the causes improves the odds of getting the results you want.

Here are 3 guidelines on goals:

Goals should be activity goals, rather than outcome goals, like weight loss. When you focus on the activity goals that are going to get you to the outcome, then you don’t get worn out and frustrated stressing about the outcome.
Make your goals small. Losing weight slowly is a good thing because it’s something you can maintain. If it’s too big, you just keep sabotaging.
Commit to less rather than more. Eating right is a long-term goal. Eating better is infinitely more doable. It’s something we can do right now.

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Free Weight Loss Summit

by Carol Solomon

Do you make the same New Year’s Resolution every year?

Hint – It’s a really bad idea – Why? Because it just reinforces the idea that you make resolutions and don’t keep them. It feels more like a wish than an actual intention.

Rather than focusing on overeating (which is really a symptom not the cause of weight gain), Jon Gabriel’s “mind-body” approach focuses on the whole person and the environment that “triggers” the weight problem in the first place. He’s hosting the first mind-body weight loss summit (free to join.) Click HERE for details.

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Trick The Brain To Stop Overeating

by Carol Solomon

According to Dr. Daniel Amen, different people have different brain types, which in turn, influence weight. Different types of overeaters require different strategies.

Here are a few ideas to get you started.

1. Are you a Compulsive Overeater?

You are if you…

Get stuck on thoughts of food and on compulsive eating behavior
Get fixated on depressing or anxious thoughts
Get locked into one course of action
Have trouble seeing options, and want things ‘your’ way
Tend to hold grudges
Commonly gorge at night, rather than during the day

The cause: low serotonin levels in the brain

What Helps -

Exercise, as this allows more of the serotonin precursor, tryptophan, to enter the brain.
If you get a negative or food-orientated thought in your head more than three times, immediately get up and do something to distract yourself.
Make a list of 10 things you can do instead of eating so you can distract yourself.
Choose a diet that gives choices – people with this brain type don’t do well with rigid rules.
TAP to reduce negative thoughts and emotions

2. Are you an Emotional Overeater?

You are if you…

Eat to try to cheer yourself up
Suffer from low mood – anything from mild seasonal blues to actual depression
Feel unable enjoy activities you used to find pleasurable
Experience low energy or feelings of guilt, helplessness or hopelessness
Find it harder to control your weight in winter

The Brain Cause: Low Vitamin D and DHEA

What Helps -

Exercise, to boost blood flow and mood-lifting neurotransmitters.
Change your thinking. Your body reacts physically to negative thoughts like, “I ate cake, I’ve already blown it, I may as well keep going.” Reframe any negatives thoughts with a positive: “I enjoyed the cake and will eat less at dinner to keep myself on track.”
Write down five things you are grateful for every day – this has been shown to increase happiness within three weeks.
Vitamin D supplements and bright light therapy can be helpful for this brain type.
TAP to reduce negative thoughts and emotions

3. Are you an Impulsive Overeater?

You are if you…

Begin the day intending to eat well, and then give in to temptation
Regularly say ‘I’m starting my diet tomorrow’
Act impulsively, without thinking through the consequences
Find yourself easily distracted
Get bored easily
Struggle with sticking to plans and motivating yourself

The Brain Cause: Low activity in the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s supervisor. Low levels of calming neurotransmitter dopamine.

What Helps

Exercise, to increase blood flow and dopamine levels in the brain.
Make a clear list of your health goals, and display it where you can see it every day.
Accountability – check in regularly with a person or support group to help you stay focused.
Avoid impulsively saying yes to offers of food and drink: practice saying, “No thank you, I’m full. Or “No thank you. I’ve had enough.”
Visualize yourself leaving a social gathering feeling good.
TAP for patience and the ability to “pass it up for now.”

4. Are you an Anxious Overeater?

You are if you…

Use food as a way of soothing anxiety, tension or fear
Have physical symptoms of anxiety such as muscle tension, nail biting, headaches, abdominal pain or palpitations
Expect the worst and feel fearful of the future
Get easily startled and tend to freeze in social situations
Struggle with sleep – worry is the #1 factor that keeps us awake at night.

The Brain Cause: Increased activity in the basal ganglia, caused by low levels of the calming neurotransmitter GABA.

What Helps

Calming activities such as yoga and Z Point.
Relaxation techniques such as meditation and deep breathing.
Counteracting any negative thoughts (see The Emotional Overeater).
Supplements of vitamin B6 and magnesium help boost GABA, reducing the tendency to overeat in response to anxiety.
Tap to correct the energy imbalance that is causing the anxiety.

Unfortunately, many people have a combination of these patterns. The common threads that run through all of them are just plain solutions that make sense.

Exercise, even if it’s 5 minutes per day while watching TV
Connect to others: participate in activities that are relaxing and fun.
Make tapping a regular practice!

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Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

by Carol Solomon

Actually, you can. It may not be easy. But you can.

The real problem is with keeping it off. Wouldn’t you love to have kept off every pound you have ever lost? We’d all be super thin! And there’d be no need to keep losing the same weight over and over again. No wonder people give up!

Name anything that you want. More money … a slim body … a red convertible.

Now … why don’t you have it?

I’ll tell you why. It has nothing to do with calories, carbohydrates, a slow metabolism, your mother’s physique, how much you don’t exercise, or anything else outside of yourself. It’s in your own mind.

Not even in your thoughts or your conscious mind. The roadblock is deeper – buried in your subconscious mind. When you are trying to lose weight and you aren’t getting there, chances are, your subconscious holds some conflicting intentions.

Simply said — You want something and it doesn’t.

Your conscious (logical) mind is like the rider. The subconscious (emotional) mind is like the elephant you are trying to steer. As long as the elephant wants to go in the same direction as the rider, there’s not a problem. But when the emotional mind wants something else, the rider has very little control.

Think about it – Are you giving yourself contradictory instructions, such as “I want to lose weight” and “I want those double chocolate espresso brownies?”

Notice anything strange about those 2 statements? Those are like orders to your subconscious mind — and they are going in 2 different directions. After years of such frustrating and contradictory messages, your subconscious mind gives up and stops listening to what your conscious mind wants. Nothing changes.

In other words, you cancel out your own request. You think “I want to lose weight,” and right after that, you think “but I HATE dieting, and that would be hard, and it probably won’t last anyway, so why bother?”

As a result, you don’t get what you want.

The subconscious emotional mind wins every time.

But I have good news for you. You can learn some simple techniques to end this mental self-sabotage. It won’t happen automatically. There are processes, like EFT and Z Point that work with the body and the subconscious mind.

Your subconscious habits govern your behavior. As an infant, you learn to cry when you are hungry. As a young child, someone probably gave you sweets when you were upset. You learned that you could feel calmer when you eat them. It becomes a subconscious habit — an automatic response, just like an infant’s cry. But these automatic responses lose their effectiveness as we grow older. If an adult keeps throwing a bigger and bigger tantrum, they just look silly, and alienate other people in the process.

Why? The subconscious habit they learned as an infant now works against them. And soothing yourself with food as you did when you are a child works against you as an adult. For you to be successful at things that seem impossible, those outdated subconscious patterns have to be changed into new patterns that support your ability to get what you want.

And keep it.

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The “True” Cause of Stress And How To Eliminate It

by Carol Solomon

One Saturday not too long ago, I was in my car on the way to the gym, but I was feeling stressed.

I just had this anxious feeling, like I was fighting with myself. I felt like I “should” go work out, but my spirit said “no!”

For once, I decided to listen.

It made no logical sense, really. I could have easily gone to work out for 20-30 minutes, and then done the rest of my errands.

I just didn’t want to.

So I didn’t.

Instead, I went to the video store and rented 2 funny movies. Then I went to my favorite upscale grocery store and bought exactly what I wanted. (This was not binge food – it was 4 kinds of Salmon (premade in the deli) and crab cakes, and asparagus and the big, expensive shrimp that I NEVER splurge on.)

Then I went home and sat outside and read a book. It was 1 of those perfect days – not too hot . . . not too cold. And I relaxed. I ate the crab cakes for lunch and some of the salmon for dinner. I guess I had a thing for fish that day; but even before then, I felt completely *fulfilled* . . . just by saying yes to me.

It was liberating really . . . I had NO urge to overeat . . . no urge for sweets . . . and the feeling lasted through the entire weekend.

Here’s The *True* Cause Of Stress

It’s amazing how much stress is caused by the gap between what we believe in and how we live our lives. Stress may be less about time pressure, and more about expressing our personal integrity.

There’s a gap between our stated values and what we actually do in our lives. This may be the reason why people with overwhelming stress or catastrophic circumstances, such as a life threatening illness, report their stress levels have reduced and they actually feel joyful. Sometimes people even say becoming ill was the best thing that ever happened to them.

Through their suffering, these folks have identified in a very deep way with what’s most important in their lives. They have a deep sense of what’s important and suddenly are blessed with the courage to bring their lives in alignment with it for the first time.

Rather than use their strength and energy to endure jobs or relationships that betray their deepest values, they are now able to make the needed changes without fear.

Rachel Naomi Remen tells the story of a woman in treatment for cancer:

“For the first time, I am sailing my boat by my own star. My God, have I sailed it by everything else! And allowed everyone else to take a turn at the tiller. All of my life I’ve headed against myself, against my own direction. But now I have a deep sense of my way, and I am loyal to it. This is my boat, and it was made to sail in this direction, by this star. You ask why I seem so much more peaceful now? Well, I am living all in one piece.”

The real cause of stress is not destructive relationships, unruly children, or critical bosses. It is the loss of a sense of ourselves and a connection, in a spiritual sense, to all that is. If that is true, then the ways that we have attempted to deal with stress (both positive and negative) cannot heal it at the deepest level. Stress is just an indication that we cannot be removed from our soulful selves without paying a price.

There are many practices that can increase awareness and deepen the sense of ourselves and our connection to the universe. Among these are prayer, meditation, EFT, hypnosis, and experiences of great loss. There’s nothing quite like losing everything you thought was important to you to help you sort out priorities fast. And drop responsibilities and obligations that no longer serve you.

How many people live in a cluttered house when they want to live in an uncluttered house? You want a simpler lifestyle with plenty of money, but there are pressures at work, the kids drive you crazy, the boss is harassing you, and you worry about losing your job. How many people tolerate a bad relationship because they are afraid to leave? This leaves a gap between what you want and what you have. That equals stress and imbalance. When life is not balanced, things go wrong.

That’s why I encourage you to clean up different parts of your life. Let go of responsibilities, relationships, etc. that no longer serve you. Clean a closet . . . clear off your desk. You’ll feel lighter already . . .

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5 Things To Tell Yourself Today About Stress Eating

by Carol Solomon

It’s not what happens to us in life … because we all get beaten up by it sooner or later.

For most people, the stress isn’t going away.

Your self talk can make all the difference in how much stress you feel and how it affects you, both now and in the future.

What’s more important is how we choose to respond and what we tell ourselves about what happened.

1. I am putting the past behind me.

No matter what happened that led you to feel as you do today, you can put it behind you and start over. There are some things that you can’t do over, and some that just won’t turn out the way you wanted, no matter what. You can always learn from the past and move forward.

2. I am focusing on the one next positive step.

All it takes is one positive step forward, no matter how small. It might be to make one small shift in what you are eating or what you are thinking. It might be to let go of some notion that you have been attached to. Take that step today and don’t look back.

3. I am doing the best I can.

Most people don’t give themselves enough credit that they really are doing the best they can. We judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else, and we are the hardest to please. When you know better, you do better.

Remember that judgment sucks, no matter what side of it you are on.

4. It’s NOT that hard.

This is my new mantra when I hear myself saying “it’s too hard…” or “I can’t …” If you counteract these thoughts quickly, then it shifts your thinking and opens new possibilities. Try it!

5: “I will never give up!”

Don’t ever give up, no matter how frustrated or discouraged you may feel. Give yourself the gift of support if you need it (we all do.) It’s never too late to make a fresh start, right from where you are … with what you have to work with.

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Emotional Eating: If I Were Coaching Montel Williams

by Carol Solomon

Recently on the Dr. Oz show, Montel Williams came on to talk about his problems with emotional eating and binge eating.

When asked about the root cause of his emotional eating, Montel described a life-changing traumatic event.

When he was 19 years old and in the Marine Corp, he weighed 142 lb. He was a welterweight boxer.

His cohorts told him that he needed to “bulk up” and put on some weight. So he started working out and lifting weights. One day, he worked out so hard that he tore his pectoral muscle and it swelled up.

When he went to the doctor, he was mistakenly diagnosed with male breast cancer, and had a radical double mastectomy (removal of the nipples and all the tissue down to the chest wall on both sides.) As a young man with mastectomy scars, he felt completely ashamed. And even though he achieved great levels of success in television as well as health and fitness, he soothed his emotional pain with food.

When I hear stories like this, I wish that Montel had consulted me! I could have saved him over 30 years of shame and the emotional eating that resulted from it.

So what do we have here?

One specific event that resulted in years of trauma and emotional eating to push down the pain.

The problem is that emotional eating doesn’t solve anything. Just like anti-anxiety medication doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t even take the emotions away. It only masks the painful emotions temporarily. And anything that reminds Montel of the shame of his body image from that moment on only reinforces the pain.

The solution?

It’s pretty simple really, and it doesn’t take years of therapy…

I would teach him about the psychology of traumatic events and how symptoms like emotional eating can result from it. I would LOVE to have taught him Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) although it hadn’t been invented yet in 1974 when the incident occurred.

Using EFT, I would have him recall the event and helped him to neutralize all the negative emotions associated with it … everything he could remember that was still emotionally charged when he thinks about it now. I would start with whatever he feels angry about…what was said…what was done…his outrage at the doctors…the shame and humiliation that he must have felt all these years. So unnecessary…

I admire Montel for his courage, intelligence and willingness to be open and vulnerable in sharing his story. However, sometimes people just don’t know where to go for the best help. You can spend years in traditional therapy talking about this type of event, how it made you feel, how it affected you then, and how it’s still affecting you now.

With EFT, Matrix Reimprinting (an advanced EFT technique to deal with trauma) and Z Point to sweep up any loose ends, he would feel completely different about what happened in a few short sessions. And while he would still have scars, the event itself would be reduced to just another thing that happened along the way. Ok, Montel…the invitation’s still open…:-)

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← Previous Entries

What Story Do You Tell Yourself?

What If You Had To Post Everything you Ate Online?

Your Story Matters

Why Weight Loss Is a Terrible Goal

Free Weight Loss Summit

Trick The Brain To Stop Overeating

Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

The “True” Cause of Stress And How To Eliminate It

5 Things To Tell Yourself Today About Stress Eating

Emotional Eating: If I Were Coaching Montel Williams

Z Point and EFT For Weight Loss

What People Say . . .

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